I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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