He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
