I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
