Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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