Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
