She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
