McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
