you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
