were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
