Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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