I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
