The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
