I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
