I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
