Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
