I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
