i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
