Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
