tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
