Who wears a wallet chain?!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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