I want to walk on stilts...naked
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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