Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my shit smells like andre
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
