Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
