I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
