Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
