Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
third nipple confirmed
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
