As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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