i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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