WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize