I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
