She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
