I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
