well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
