need another drink. this is the easiest way
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
