I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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