I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
