I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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