my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
