She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
