i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
