You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
