they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
