Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
