like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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