So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize