No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
