I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize