Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
lets start a swedish sibling band together
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
