and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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