shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize