I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
