How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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