I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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