i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
