aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
