OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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