you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
