If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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