U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Randomize
