i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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