im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
