no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
