I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
