u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
